Life
by jokergirl94
Summary: Just when everything was going great, Fate sticks her nose in rather Cancer does. AU Unrelated!Wincest. Death fic. Age reversal.


**Disclaimer: I don't own them or profit from them. **

**Summary: Just when everything was going great, Fate sticks her nose in rather Cancer does. AU Unrelated!Wincest. Death fic. **

**A/N: I'm sorry this is so long, but I hope you all stick through it. This was based on a dream I had and I have been working on it ever since. I would like to point out right now that I'm not a doctor nor will I ever be one so anything medical is probably incorrect. Also I have never written Wincest because it grosses me out to no end, but I dreamt it like this and it fit. I would also like to warn you that at the end it gets emotional and I found myself crying so if you are the emotional type I would suggest a tissue or two. **

_Then_

"_Cas set the table," Sam directed opening the door for him and his 12 year old son handing him the fast food bags, "I'll get Dean." _

"_On it Dad" Cas answered grabbing the bags going into their large kitchen. _

_Walking through the hallway and up the creaky wooden stairs Sam cringed. The house was nice he and Dean had done a lot of work on it together since they purchased the old farmhouse nearly a year ago this August it still had many things to be fixed for example the creaky steps. _

_Although Sam reasoned as he came closer to the master bedroom passing Cas's maybe it wouldn't be so bad to keep for sneaky teens. Coming to their room he could hear the shower running, stepping into the room he found Dean's police uniform scattered around the hardwood floor._

"_Dean," Sam called out bending to pick up the top and lay it on the bed and then the pants, "me and Cas stopped by your Mom's place. She sent home your favorite burgers and fries and told me to tell you had better get your ass in to see her. Said she is beginning to forget what you look like." _

_Rolling his eyes Sam walked over to pick the stray sock off the dresser handle. Throwing the sock in the hamper he passed a hand over the piece of furniture. When Dean wasn't working patrol at the Sioux Falls Police Department he did wonderful craftsman ship, doing most of the woodworking and handyman jobs to the house. Sam though stuck mostly to the designing and outside appeal, "Dean Colt how many times have I told you to put your damn dirty clothes in the laundry?" _

_He could still hear the water running from the attached bathroom, but he couldn't hear the unusually obnoxious singing that always accompanied the simple task. Moving closer to the door he knocked, "Dean are you ok?" _

_When he didn't receive an answer he started to get worried. No matter how mad or how bad a day Dean had he would never, ever ignore him, "Dean please answer me or I'm coming in." _

_Expecting one of his usual cocky or suggestive remarks he waited when he didn't get one he pushed the door open, "Alright I'm coming in." _

_Pushing the door open all the way he was ambushed with usual cloud of steam that often left him with cold showers. Waiting until the cloud dispersed he walked towards the shower curtain and pulled it back exposing an unconscious Dean slumped on the floor with a bleeding gash on his forehead, _

"_Dean!" Sam yelled quickly turning off the water before yelling over his shoulder for Cas, "Cas call 911" _

_Turning back he couldn't decide if he should move Dean or not. He had been a medic in the National Guard before he became a teacher and knew the complications of moving an unconscious person. You never know if there is any spinal damage or broken bones that could shift causing potentially fatal complications. _

"_What's going on Dad?" Castiel gasped as he ran with the phone into bathroom stopping at the entrance when he saw his Dad bending over Dean and thankfully blocking any parts he didn't want to see. _

"_Did you call?" Sam asked urgently grabbing for the hand towel to cover Dean up. _

"_They want to know what happened," he asked coming closer. _

"_Give me the phone and keep pressure on his head," Sam said standing up and handing another wash cloth over to his son before stepping back and explaining the situation to the dispatcher. _

_Kneeling next to the tub Cas held the fabric to the steadily bleeding gash on his Dad's boyfriend. He liked Dean he really did it was weird though with him only being like 12 years older than him. It was like having an older brother instead of parent, but he liked living with his Dad way more than his Mom, Amelia. He had been furious when he found out she was cheating on his Dad with Uncle Don. _

_While he wasn't completely happy about the move from Texas he was happy they made the move because this is where Dean was and he loved Bobby and Ellen, Dean's adoptive parents. _

"_How is he doing," Sam asked kneeling beside him, "did he wake up at all?" _

"_No," he answered giving the fabric back to his Dad, "what happened?" _

"_I don't know kid, I just found him like this." Sam answered and they could faintly hear the sound of sirens in approaching, "Direct them up." _

SPN SPN SPN

"_Dean Colt family." _

_Sam stood up closely followed by Cas, Bobby and Ellen, walking over to the nurse they introduced themselves, "That's us. Is he ok, what happened?" _

"_Let's go somewhere with more privacy." _

_Walking through the sliding doors down the hall towards private meeting rooms, the young Native American girl opened a door sliding a card into the holder and waved a hand for them to walk in, "You can wait in here, Dr. Lindberg will be with you in a minute." _

_Sitting down the small family waited in silence. They had been sitting in the waiting room for hours waiting for any kind of news, Sam had called Bobby and Ellen when they arrived around seven and it was now nearing midnight. _

"_Your sure nothing happened at work today." Ellen asked worriedly again squeezing tightly to her husband's hand. _

"_I talked to Jodie and she said he didn't say anything. She said today was actually relatively quiet and that's why he got home so early." Sam replied watching the scared parents across from him. Bobby and Ellen were the kindest people he ever met. When they couldn't have children of their own after a previous miscarriage, they decided to adopt. They had been looking for years when they found little five year old Dean at Pastor Jim's orphanage waiting for a family. It had been a match made in heaven (no pun intended) and soon they were a perfect little family. _

"_Ok," Bobby nodded taking his hat off again rubbing his thinning hair before replacing and then quickly taking it off again pulling at the loose strings. _

"_Enough Bobby," Ellen commanded putting her hand on his own fidgety one gripping it tightly, "we're all nervous and you ain't helping." _

"_Sorry Elle." He whispered kissing her softly on the cheek. _

"_Sorry it took me so long," the door opened revealing an interesting looking Doctor, "my name is Dr. Lindberg, but you can call me Ash. You are here for Dean Colt right?" _

"_That's right. Can you tell us what's wrong with him?" Ellen asked impatiently jumping in her chair. _

"_I'm afraid I don't have good news for you," Ash answered sitting down across from them laying the folder open in front of him, "when you brought him in he was unconscious. We did have to stitch the wound on his forehead." _

"_That doesn't sound bad." Cas replied speaking up earning himself a comforting shoulder grip from Sam. _

"_We always run CT and MRI scans on head wounds just to be safe. When we ran them on Dean we found this," Ash said pulling out a piece of paper and pushing it across to the family. _

"_What is this suppose to be?" Sam asked holding the paper. While he might have been a medic for the National Guard this way past his pay grade, his job was to get soliders out of harm's way and nothing more. _

"_We took a scan of Dean's head and found a tumor." _

_The paper dropped to the table and Ellen gasped clinging to Bobby who rubbed her shoulders, "What does this mean Doc?" _

"_We can't be sure of anything yet, but we are running tests to see if it is malignant or begin. We expect results by morning. I would like for Dean to stay a couple of days for observation to monitor his condition and if we see anything less then satisfactory in the test results we will talk about it then." _

"_Can we see him now?" Sam asked. He needed to see the younger man and he needed to see him now. _

"_It is past visiting hours I can make an exception, but only for a couple of minutes." Dr. Lindberg said standing up, "my head's already on the chopping block. You can come back as soon as visiting hours start again in the morning by then we should have results." _

_The mullet wearing doctor quickly led them up the stairs towards the room holding Dean, "We had to give him a slight sedative to get him in the MRI so he might not be awake." _

_Sam pushed his way into the room where Dean was sleeping. Walking quickly to the bed he grabbed Dean's hand and succeeded in waking him up, "How are you feeling?" _

"_Tired," Dean mumbled taking his free hand and rubbing at his drooping eyes, "why am I here?" _

"_You fainted in the shower." _

"_I didn't faint" Dean tried to convince pushing a button to raise the bed to a more comfortable position. _

"_I would beg to differ unless you actually like kissing the shower floor." _

"_Men don't faint Sammy." _

"_Fine you passed out. Better?" Sam asked grabbing a free hand and rubbing in comfort. _

"_Much. Now what did the doctor say? Can I leave?" Dean asked eagerly. _

_Sam shook his head. Dean had always hated hospitals whenever Dean was forced into the care of Doctors (which was way more than Sam liked) he would always try and sneak his way out. _

"_So how about it Sam what did the doctor say?" _

_He paused unsure of what to say before he heard a voice speak up behind him, "Hey son how are you feeling?" _

_Turning around he saw Bobby, Ellen and Cas walking in. _

"_Great Dad, but I would be doing better if someone would just tell me what is going on and when I can go home." Dean answered running his stunning green eyes over everyone in the room. _

_It quiet before the officer asked again, "What's going on? Why won't any of you tell me what's going on?" _

"_Why don't we wait until the morning and we can discuss it then? You must be awfully tired with all the excitement you had today." Ellen suggested moving closer to wrap Dean in a hug. _

"_Have you been crying Mom?" He asked pulling her away to stare into her bloodshot brown eyes, "Is something wrong with me?" _

"_Dad don't you think we should tell him?" Cas whispered into Sam's ear before moving to sit on his lap even though he was always saying he was getting too big for it. _

"_Please tell me what's happening?" Dean panicked the heart rate monitor speeding up with beeps and the bed ridden man started to hyperventilate sending nurses running into the room. _

"_Mr. Colt you need to calm down." One of the nurses soothed while another pulled the family to the side. _

"_I need to ask you to leave until visiting hours in the morning. They start at seven." She replied before pushing the concerned family members from the room, but not before they saw a syringe injected into the IV. _

SPN SPN SPN

"_Do I have to go to school?" Cas whined as they stopped in front of the middle school where he was a seventh grader, "I want to know how Dean is and you don't have to go to work." _

"_Castiel James Winchester," Sam yelled spinning in Prius to the passenger seat, "don't you take that tone with me. I understand you are worried about Dean we all are. You know how important school is to Dean and I bet he wouldn't want you missing any school because he was in the hospital. We can go see him tonight when I pick you up." _

"_But I-"_

"_I'll give you a free go this time, but I would watch what comes out of that mouth before you talk because next time you won't be so lucky," Sam warned running a hand through his shoulder length hair and breathing out, "you have a month of school left and I want you to concentrate on school and do the best you can. Now go on before you're late." _

_Seeing the stress his Dad was under he knew he shouldn't argue even though he wanted too. Leaning across the seat he wrapped him in a hug, "I'm sorry Dad. I love you." _

"_I love you too." Sam answered returning the embrace before he watched his little boy run towards the building. _

_He needed to get to the high school and explain his situation to his boss. Pulling from the busy parking lot he headed two blocks to Sioux Falls High School and into the faculty parking lot _

_Parking he grabbed his phone in case any news was given on Dean's condition. Coming in he was greeted by students and coworkers alike. It surprised him when he became a teacher he suddenly become one of the popular ones. During high school he was the last thing from popular. He had managed one steady girlfriend (Amelia because he was unsure of what he wanted or was interested in) and his Dad had roped him into playing football. He and his team mates never clicked because he was too busy with his studies. _

_He liked the change in status and it was one of the reasons he enjoyed teaching. He was one of the few history teachers at Sioux Falls High and most students were dying to get into his American History class. _

_Getting to the office he was greeted by Gabe, his fellow history teacher, "Hey Sam running a little late aren't you?" He joked. It was nearing 7:30 classes were about to start and Sam had always been anal about reporting ahead of time to organize classes and work on assignments. _

"_Is Anna in?" He asked pushing passed his friend towards the Principal's office. _

"_Yeah she is," Gabe answered confused and when he spotted Sam's baggy eyes and frown he asked, "Is something wrong?" _

"_Dean's in the hospital, they aren't sure about anything yet." Sam whispered to his friend eyeing Becky Rosen the secretary carefully. You always watched what you said around the woman or otherwise it might just end up front page news. _

"_I'm sorry Sam," Gabe answered patting Sam on the shoulder before pushing him towards Anna Milton's office door, "she should be in there." _

"_Thanks Gabe." _

_Sam knocked on the door before walking in, "Anna can I talk to you for a minute?" _

_He watched as the red head held up a hand as she finished a conversation on the phone, but directed him to sit in one of her chairs, "Yes I understand, but we have a zero fighting policy here at Sioux Falls High. I will stand by my decision he can return to classes Monday morning." _

_Sam settled his tall frame in the chair and watched Anna at work. She made an excellent Principal just as she had made an excellent teacher before she was promoted. _

"_What can I do for you this morning Sam?" _

_Looking up he saw she had hung up and was facing him looking proper in her dress suit, "I have to take today off and I'm not sure how much more, family emergency." _

"_I hope everything with Castiel is alright." _

"_It isn't Cas." _

_He watched as understanding crossed her face, "Alright I understand. You can have today off, but if you need any other days off I want lesson plans written out for our subs. It's too close to the end of the year to have students missing out on reviews and learning." _

_Standing up with a smile, "Thank you Anna." _

"_Give Dean my regards." _

SPN SPN SPN

_Directing his car through the meager morning rush he headed towards the hospital. On his way he saw that both the Roadhouse and Salvage Yard were open. He supposed Ellen and Bobby had their family members holding the down the fort for them. Sam had personally never liked the guy but Bobby usually had his cousin Benny work the shop while he was gone and Ellen had her niece Jo run The Roadhouse. _

_Reaching the hospital he parked the little blue car next to Bobby's beat up pickup. Turning off the pop station Dean detested leaning back in his seat and took a deep breath. Pushing open the door when he thought he could handle it he locked the car behind him. _

_Reaching the main lobby he found the stairs making his way to the second floor where Dean's room was and found Bobby and Ellen already talking at him and Sam could see the stubborn look he loved so much schooled on Dean's face. _

"_You know you leave that lip out like that a birdie's gonna poop on it." He joked walking in earning himself a chuckle from Bobby and a frown from Dean. _

"_Not funny Samuel, I'm still pissed you won't tell me what's wrong." Dean answered, but surprisingly the lip disappeared from view. _

_Sam knew he was in trouble when he heard his full name used and broke out his puppy dog eyes, "I'm sorry Dean I just didn-" _

"_Damn it Sam," Dean sighed looking up and saw dewy brown eyes, "you know I can't stay mad at you with that look." _

"_I know." _

"_But don't be so fast to think you are off the hook. You and the couch are about to get real friendly once I get out of here." Dean threatened with a smile. _

_Sam's smile turned to a frown earning a snort from Bobby and a muttered 'glad it's not me." _

"_What but-" _

"_Good to see you awake this morning Dean," Dr. Lindberg strolled into the room with a clipboard, "I heard we had a little bit of a snafu last night." _

"_Nothing to worry about Doc" Dean answered as the doctor walked over to the monitors and adjusted the IV. _

"_How are you feeling this morning, you had us worried last night." Ash asked coming to stand at the foot of the bed writing on his computer tablet. _

"_I'd be doing a hell of a lot better if someone would just tell me what is going on." Dean answered snarkily pulling on his plastic admission wristband. _

"_What do you remember from last night?" Dr. Lindberg asked pulling up a chair and sitting down. _

"_I had a headache, but it was probably from all the files Jodie had me reading." Dean answered. _

_Sam sighed he had been on Dean's case for years to wear his glasses. He claimed they looked to 'nerdy' and didn't like to wear them, and he said that's what contacts were for. If only the stubborn ass would actually wear the contacts. _

"_The next thing I remember is waking up here last night." Dean finished looking up at the doctor. _

"_Last night when you came in we ran some tests to make sure there wasn't any bleeding in your brain from your fall and we found a tumor," Ash paused before he continued, "we ran some blood tests last night and we found that it is malignant." _

"_What?" Dean asked losing his smile and reaching for Sam's hand. The room was silent as everyone tried to accommodate the news. _

"_I have talked to the head surgeon here and he looked your case over and insisted it is indeed operable." _

_Everyone let out a sigh of relief, "I have scheduled you for surgery Monday morning. After that we will discuss your treatment options. I would like to keep you here until after your surgery to monitor your condition." _

"_Thank you Dr. Lindberg" Dean answered with a monotone voice he wasn't even aware anyone left until he felt Sam squeeze his hand. _

"_It's going to be alright Dean," Sam answered seeing Ellen sobbing quietly sobbing into Bobby's shoulder and Bobby himself letting a few tears slide down his own face, "I'm going to be here for you every step of the way." _

"_I'm scared." Dean answered sliding his eyes across the room until they landed on Sam. _

_Sam gasped when he saw the first tears roll down his husband's face. They were the first tears he had seen from Dean in the five years they had been together, never had he seen the man cry. Not when he witnessed his partner Caleb West being killed in a drug raid or when his Impala fell on him while he was fixing it or even when he found Sam kissing Lucifer when they first started dating. _

"_It's ok to be scared Dean," Bobby spoke up wrapping Dean in a hug his rough hands catching on the thin hospital gown, "we're all scared right now." _

"_Can I be alone for a minute?" Dean asked blinking away the tears. _

"_You don't need to be alone Dean that's what we are here for." Sam reassured with a small nod from Ellen as she tried to control her tears, "We are family and we don't leave with trouble." _

"_I just need a minute to myself Sam, but you can grab me a coffee if it would make you feel better." Dean answered sending a watery smile at him and squeezed his hand. _

"_Yes of course we'll get you anything you want," Ellen said shaking away the last tears as she led the other men out of the room, "we'll be back in a little bit." _

SPN SPN SPN

_Sam barely made it to the small waiting room on the ward when he collapsed into the chair and started to cry. _

_How was it fair that someone as young and innocent as Dean got hit with something like this? Cancer. It was unfair and truthfully he didn't know where to even start. How would he tell Cas? How would he take care of Dean when he was sick from the medication or in pain from when they cut open his head? He was so damn scared he didn't even know where to start. _

"_Sam son," he looked up and saw Bobby holding his shoulder and saw Ellen was gone, "I know you're scared and I don't blame you, but Dean needs you now. The kid is stubborn to a fault and the most emotionally constipated person I know, but this isn't something he can deal with by himself even if he insists." _

"_If you're insinuating that I'm going to leave Dean you are so far from the reality of things-" Sam began to argue towards the older man. _

"_I'm not saying anything like that I just know that you and Dean have had a couple of hardships and I want to make sure you aren't going to leave." Bobby answered all business. _

"_I love Dean and he is my family. I'm here for the long run Bobby." Sam answered getting ready to fight. _

"_Good to hear Sam now how about we get some breakfast." _

SPN SPN SPN

_Dean watched as his family left. He could hear the sounds of the hospital around him, but nothing stuck out to him. _

_Cancer _

_The Big C_

_He had it and he wasn't sure what to think. Dr. Lindberg had said they were operating on Monday, but that meant somebody was going to cut into his brain and mess around up there, that scared him. His whole life he had been independent had taken care of himself. Sure he had a loving family, but until he was five years old he had faint memories of a not so supportive family and abandonment those feelings stuck with to this very day. _

_He knew without a doubt Sam would be there for him along with Castiel and his parents. He knew he wasn't alone in all of this, but he didn't know how to handle all of this it was almost too much. Would he be able to continue his job, work on his baby, and finish the projects on the house? _

_Was he going to die? _

_He was scared plain and simple and that was a feeling he didn't like. _

SPN SPN SPN

"_I need to call in let Anna know I won't be in for awhile and let Jodie know what's going on." Sam spoke up as the group of adults sat in the hospital cafeteria in silence. _

"_Thank you Sam," Ellen answered dragging her eyes up from her untouched muffin, "for everything." _

"_He's family. If there is anything Dean has taught me it's that family comes first before everything." Sam replied standing up and walking to the smoking area lighting himself one before picking up his cell phone. _

_Blowing out the smoke he had to laugh. It was a guilty habit he had from the Guards yet and it was something Dean absolutely hated. The kid complained about it every chance he got and when they had first moved in together hid all of his packs in random places around the house. Dean was a contradiction in and of himself. The kid could drink anyone under the table, liked to hustle and had more tattoos then anyone he knew. Dean Colt was trouble maker and from the stories he heard from Bobby and Ellen a teen delinquent and he couldn't stand a cigarette. _

_Snubbing out the smoke he dialed Anna's number and waited for to pick up, "Anna Milton speaking how can I help you?" _

"_Hey Anna its Sam." _

"_Sam. I didn't expect to hear from you so soon is everything alright with Dean?" _

"_He has cancer," he said it finally admitted its true, "I need a couple of weeks off. He has surgery Monday and I'm not sure what I need to do, but I plan on being here for him." _

"_I'm sorry Sam," he heard the soft voice answer and he could hear clicking on the other side of the line, "give me your lesson plans and I'll make sure everything is taken care of for you. Take as much time as you need and know that the staff and students here at Sioux Falls are thinking of you." _

"_Thank you Anna," Sam answered as he was tempted to light another smoke before answering, "my plans are on the server and you can ask Gabe if you don't understand anything. We worked together on the plans for the rest of the year." _

"_I will make sure to do that. Get back to your family Sam and don't worry about us." _

"_Thank you again you don't know how much I appreciate it." _

"_Good bye Sam." _

_Listening until the line went dead he then called Jodie Mills, "Sheriff Jodie Mills." _

"_Jodie," _

"_Sam," he heard the breathless reply and assumed he had just caught her at a bad moment, "how is Dean? What's the verdict?" _

"_They found a tumor last night in his head; they're opening him up on Monday." He answered leaning against the building and falling to the cold cement. _

"_Shit." _

"_He's going to need time off and I don't know how much." _

"_Don't worry about Sam the kid hasn't taken a day off since he joined the force. Well except you know for the accidents," he knew exactly which accidents she was referring to, "tell him to take as much time as he needs. Just make sure the kid gets better soon." _

"_Yeah I will" _

SPN SPN SPN

"_We're back Dean." Sam announced coming into the room finding a tuckered out Dean lying in his bed with the latest Batman movie playing on the TV. Pulling the rolling table closer he set the paper cup on it before leaning down to place a kiss on Dean's forehead, "Well at least I am. Your parents said they would be back later." _

"_Did you bring me coffee?" Dean mumbled back as he slowly drug open his eyes. _

"_I did and I," Sam answered reaching into pocket and pulling out a pair of bold black rimmed glasses, "these bad boys." _

"_Come on why do I need them?" Dean whined as he reached forward for the cup of coffee and gulped down the black coffee, "I mean I have contacts for just that reason." _

"_You don't wear your contacts and I grabbed these." Sam answered leaning forward and placing the glasses on his face._

"_You stink Sammy." Dean answered frowning as the world came into focus with his glasses. _

"_Don't be mean Dean I took a shower this morning." It was true he did although it had been in the guest bathroom because he couldn't stand in the shower so soon after their earlier excitement. _

"_You know what kind of stink I mean," he answered staring back at his lover and stared him into his seat, "I thought you quit? You know I hate that you smoke it's not good for you and if I'm going to be going through this shit I don't want to have to deal with it either." _

_Sam had the sense to look embarrassed before taking drink of his own latte and replying, "I know, I know. Your Mom gave me a good yelping at before she left and I'll stop. I think I have some of that gum stuff left from last time." _

_Dean nodded glancing up to watch the movie on the screen, "Good. Now enough with the serious talk and let's watch us some Batman." _

SPN SPN SPN

_Dean had fallen asleep again shortly after the nurses brought in lunch and Sam flipped through the channels waiting for Dean to wake up or Ellen and Bobby to come by. _

_Landing on the Food Channel he watched a special on how to make burgers with recipes from all of the channel's chefs. He was surprised when he heard Dean speak up next to him, "How are you going to tell Castiel?"_

"_Really I haven't given it any thought," Sam said dropping his eyes from the TV to where Dean was watching him behind his glasses, "together probably." _

"_I mean I don't even really know what to tell him. I mean I could just come out and say 'hey I have a brain tumor and I'm probably gonna die' or 'on Monday they are going to play operation with my brain and hey I might not make it'." _

"_Dean! This isn't a joke this is serious." Sam yelled jumping up sending magazines flying to the ground. _

"_You don't think I don't damn well know that Sam?" Dean yelled back equally angry, "This is my fucking brain were talking about, my life. I'm 24 years old and I might die." _

_All the wind in Sam's sails left after that admission. Dean never came out and admitted what he was feeling or thinking, but used sarcastic remarks and smiles to get his way out of every 'chick flick' moment that was initiated. _

_Looking at Dean he saw he looked like a caged animal; scared and ready to bolt at a moment's notice. Sitting at the end of the bed Sam pulled a shaking hand in his own, "I'm sorry Dean I didn't mean to say that. I know you're scared and I am to, but like your parents said earlier we are going to tough this out together and nothing is going to change that. We'll find away to tell Cas and we will do it together." _

"_Tell me what?" _

_Turning around Sam saw his son walk in to the small room followed by Bobby and Ellen with a small gym duffel. Glancing at his watch he saw it was nearly three and Cas had been out of school for nearly a half an hour already, "I'm sorry bud. I got distracted here and I completely forgot about picking you up today." _

"_It's ok Dad," Cas said slipping on to the bed on the other side next to Dean, "now what were you going to tell me?" _

"_Cas I think we-" _

"_I have cancer Cas. The doctors are going in on Monday to take care of it." Dean spoke up with his blunt and to the point method he was respected and known for. _

"_What?" Cas asked softly with a puzzled expression on his face. _

"_I don't want this to change anything between us or for you," Dean continued, "I want you to continue going to school and finish up the year. I'm still going to be the same old me as I was before." _

_All eyes were on the boy, "I think I need some air." _

"_I'll go talk to him," Sam said standing up and kissing Dean softly on the lips before turning, "I'll talk to you later." _

_Dean watched as his older lover left leaving him with his parents, "How are you guys holding up?"_

"_Apparently not as well as you are Dean," His Dad answered sitting down followed by Ellen, "you seem to be handling this pretty well." _

"_Sweetie we are here for you and we want you to talk to us if you need us." Ellen added sitting down as with the Food Channel still whispering in the background. _

"_I'm fine," Dean assured and was met with raised eyebrows, "really. I just want to get back home and to work." _

"_Well whenever you feel the bullshits gotten too deep your Mom and I are here to support you. We love you kiddo." Bobby spoke up sitting in back in his chair and taking a drink from his soda. _

"_Love you guys too." _

SPN SPN SPN

"_Cas wait up." Sam hollered as he chased his son out of the building and made his way towards the car, "come on I want to talk to you." _

"_I want to be alone Dad," Cas answered quietly turning around to face his dad in the May evening heat, "just go be with Dean I'll be fine." _

"_That's not the way these things work kiddo," he answered coming closer and matching pace with the pre teen, "I want to know what's going on in that noggin of yours and I'm going to use the famous Winchester stubbornness to figure out what it is." _

"_Can we just walk for awhile?" Cas asked looking up with sad blue eyes. _

"_Of course we can Castiel," Sam said looking around at the city around them, "whatever you want to do." _

_They walked for awhile commenting on the nightlife starting to bloom around them. Sam watched as students of his paraded around the streets looking for something to do on their Friday night and Cas watched as the sun left leaving the town in the awkward time when it wasn't to light but it wasn't dark either; in between. _

"_You want something from a vendor?" Sam asked breaking the silence as they entered the park at the center of town. _

"_Popcorn?" _

_Sam frowned. He was hoping for something healthier, but beggars can't be choosers, "Sure. Why don't you grab us somewhere to sit?" _

_They parted ways as Sam got a pretzel and a bag of popcorn and the youngest got them a spot. Coming back with full arms Sam plopped down on the bench handing over the salty bag, "Extra butter just the way you like it." _

"_Thanks." _

"_You know you handled that way better than I did." Sam supplied breaking apart his pretzel. _

"_Really," Cas questioned before continuing, "I bet your just saying that to make me feel better." _

"_No I'm really not. When I found out the news I barely got out of the room before I started crying like a baby. You know it's ok to cry about this right we aren't going to judge you." _

"_Is he going to die?" _

"_They are doing on operation on Monday to get at the tumor then he will have to go through treatments, but I don't think we have to worry about that right now." _

_Sam looked over and saw Cas deep in thought as he watched small families pass through the park laughing and joking, "Penny for your thoughts son." _

"_I just-" he stuttered before starting again, "I just thought we had finally caught a break. You know we found someone we both agreed on, actually loved us back and now he has to go and get sick on us. I was really starting to like what we had here." _

"_It isn't his fault he got sick Castiel," Sam stated," and he isn't going anywhere." _

"_I just don't want to lose him Daddy." _

_That broke every resolve he had to not cry in front of his son. Dropping his empty pretzel wrapper onto the empty bench next to him he wrapped his son in his arms, "We aren't going to lose anyone." _

SPN SPN SPN

_Saturday and Sunday passed without avail. The whole family stopped into visit the sick Winchester and they laughed and joked as was per usual for the family. _

_Monday morning was a different story. Sam had dropped Castiel off at school after much pleading and begging from the youngest. He had put an end to it when he promised to let him know when Dean was out of surgery and he could visit that evening if Dean was feeling up to it. _

_Walking into the hospital room he found Dean sitting in his recliner watching the morning news as if he was just getting ready for his shift at the station, "Good morning baby." He whispered coming to sit beside him and kissing him softly on the cheek. _

"_Morning Sammy" Dean answered turning back to the TV. _

"_Did you sleep well last night?" _

_He was answered with a shake of the head worrying him more than the short answer he had gotten in return earlier, "It's going to be alright you know. We will all be here before you go in and when you come out. You aren't going to be alone." _

"_They said I'm going to be awake during the surgery." _

_Ah. They had both been informed of how the procedure would work last night before he left, "You won't feel anything while they are up there. Dr. Abrahams said you wouldn't feel a thing." _

"_But what if I do?" Dean asked turning scared green eyes towards him, "What if I feel everything they do to me?" _

"_The anesthetic they will be giving you will make sure you don't, trust me." Sam confidently answered wrapping his hand in Dean's. _

"_Can you shave my head?" Dean asked after a moment had passed, "They said I could have you do it." _

_Sam watched as Dean fidgeted in the chair then saw the electric razor he would be using. He thought it was interesting how such a small piece of machinery could be so intimidating, could change so much about a person, "I would be honored Dean." _

_The younger man nodded before moving to one of the plastic chairs in the center of the room and sat down allowing Sam to plug in the razor, "You ready?" _

"_Hell no, but let's get this show on the road." Dean answered sliding his glasses off and staring at the TV again. _

_Taking a deep breath Sam took a step forward powering the small razor up filling the room with the dull buzz. Raising it he paused just as he was about to shave the first strip. He ran a hand through them one last time before he let the first locks fall to the ground. _

_Just as they were finishing Ellen walked in closely followed by Bobby, "Sorry were late honey." _

"_Morning son" _

"_Morning Mom and Dad" Dean said giving them each a hug careful of his IV. _

"_Good morning Mr. Colt, how are you feeling this morning?" _

_Looking over they found Dr. Abrahams strolling in the door with his tablet in hand, "Nervous." _

"_That is completely normal. I came to let you know that it's time to go," the older man replied as he marked down the vitals before stepping towards the door, "I'll give you a minute before we have to leave." _

_Dean watched as the doctor stepped out of the room leaving him with three concerned faces in front of him, "I guess this is it." _

"_We'll see you as soon as they'll let us in your room," Ellen said stepping forward and wrapping her baby in her arms followed by Bobby who murmured something much the same._

"_I'll give you two a minute alone," Bobby said pulling Ellen away, "Come on Elle." _

_Sam watched as they stepped from the room before he kneeled in front of Dean, "Everything's going to be ok. I'll be here waiting with Cas when you get out." _

"_Thanks Sammy," Dean smiled with a rouge tear rolling down his cheek, "I love you so much. You know that right?" _

"_I do know that kid and I want you to know you're probably the bravest person I know. I'm proud of you." _

"_Help me into the bed?" Dean asked with a mischievous smile. _

"_You know I would never deny you that." Sam joked back with a sad smile as he helped him into the small hospital bed. _

"_I'm ready Sam." Dean whispered as he sat up and placed a kiss on Sam's lips, "I'll see you later." _

"_I'll be waiting." He answered as Dr. Abrahams came in with a gurney for Dean, "I love you more then you know." _

SPN SPN SPN

"_Thanks for lunch Ellen," Sam said as they waited in the private waiting room they had in the surgical ward waiting for word on Dean, "you didn't have too." _

"_They're bagels from the cafeteria Sam, no need to thank me." _

_Nodding he looked at his watch again to see how much time had passed since he last checked. Dean had gone into surgery at 9 that morning and it was coming close to 2 in the afternoon. They had been updated around noon that he was doing well and the operation was well on its way. _

"_I'm going to get Cas from school," he spoke up suddenly breaking the silence of the room, "the day is almost over anyway. Call me if anything changes." _

"_Of course" _

SPN SPN SPN

"_I would like to take Castiel out of school for the rest of the day," Sam announced coming to the front desk of the middle school where secretary, Ruby Fires, was working, "can you call him down for me?"_

"_Anything for you Sam," she flirted as she typed on her computer, "just let me see what class he is in." _

"_Thanks," he answered wandering over to the one of the chairs and checking his phone. _

"_You seem quite underdressed today; over the tie phase already?" The young secretary commented picking up the phone dialing the extension. _

_He rolled his eyes at her not so obvious flirting, Ruby had had a crush on him ever since he moved to the area and even after seeing him with Dean continued her advances, "Family emergency which is why I am here to pick up my son," he answered getting back up and stretching his t-shirt clad torso, "did you get a hold of them?" _

_Seeing her opportunity was no longer open Ruby answered with a frown, "He is on his way." _

"_Thank you Ms. Fires," he said getting up and walking towards the door, "have a nice day." _

_Walking into the hallway he went to stand in the little indoor courtyard near the middle of the school to wait for his son. The school was nice and relatively new and it showed, like the new IMC, separate grade wings and excellent extracurricular activities. _

"_Is Dean alright," Sam spun around and saw Cas running towards him, "did something happen?" _

"_No everything is fine; I just thought I would pick you up early so you could wait with the rest of us." He answered grabbing the boy by his shoulder directing him out the front doors ignoring the glare he was getting from Ruby from the glass window in the office. _

"_Well then you came just in time. Mr. Jones was just getting into a lecture about ancient Egypt which he already went over last week." He answered with a smile as he got into the passenger seat. _

"_While I'm glad I could spare you that," Sam joked as he started back towards the hospital, "but I expect your next test to reflect your apparently extensive knowledge on the subject." _

"_Alright I can do that." _

"_So besides getting out of school early how your day; anything exciting happen?" _

"_In choir we are getting ready for our concert at the end of the month. Do you think you and Dean can come?" _

"_I wouldn't miss it for the world." _

"_Thanks Dad," Cas smiled slowly losing the smirk as he saw the hospital approaching, "are you sure everything is fine. I mean with the surgery and Dean." _

"_I'm sure everything is fine," Sam replied pulling into a parking spot and turning off the car, "he probably won't be up to his normal self for a while, but I'm sure he is fine and is going to be fine." _

"_It's going to be weird being able to keep up with him." Castiel joked as they started towards the hospital. _

_It was true Dean had the energy of a kid; always doing something and often made it impossible for the two Winchesters to keep up with his escapades, "I'm sure we will still have a hard time keeping up." _

"_Yeah probably" The young teen answered as they stepped into the waiting room with Bobby and Ellen pacing anxiously. _

"_Any news?" _

"_Not yet," Ellen answered glancing at the clock, "don't you think we should have heard something by now? I mean he's been in there for hours already." _

"_Ellen they said the surgery would last awhile so I don't think we have anything to be worked up over," Sam answered in an attempt to comfort the woman, "last we heard he was doing well. Just take a deep breath and I'm sure we will hear something soon." _

SPN SPN SPN

_It was nearing five o'clock and they still hadn't heard anything and now Sam was starting to get jittery with the lack of news. Cracking his knuckles again he reached into his pocket for his lighter when he remembered he had taken them out on Friday and tossed it and the extra pack of cigs in the garbage. Sighing he got up and reached for the already well read Sports Illustrated when he heard a knocking on the door. _

"_How is he?" Bobby asked standing up and letting Ellen wake up on her own as she crashed sideways into the couch. _

"_The surgery went well and he is getting settled in recovery right now," the nurse informed coming forward, "Dr. Lindberg will be in to talk to you as soon as he is done getting Dean settled." _

"_Thank you," Sam said stepping forward and checking out the nametag, "Marissa." _

_Blushing she nodded leaving the room with a nervous silence for the waiting family. It was great news Dean made it through surgery, but now came the hard part. How would they go about treating him, what kind of repercussions would he have to work around. They literally knew nothing about what was going on or going to happen. Sam was having a hard time believing that only a week ago Dean was begging him to buy a new TV for the family room so his XBOX 360 would have better resolution or that he himself was only worried about preparing his students for their finals and graduation. _

"_Hey folks," _

_Looking up he found Dr. Lindberg striding into the room taking a seat in the empty chair and pulling it to sit in front of them, "Dean did make it through the surgery, but it didn't quite go as planned-" _

"_What do you mean? I thought you said he was ok." Castiel spoke up frantically blue eyes wide. _

"_I'm sorry I didn't mean to mislead you," the young doctor answered watching as the family took a big sigh of relief, "he made it through the surgery like a real champ. Answered the questions we asked him did real good. The problem we found though was the tumor wasn't as operable as we thought. We were able to remove parts of it, but some parts were just too far attached that we couldn't safely remove them without risking damage to other parts of the brain mainly the occipital lobe." _

"_What does this mean for treatment?" _

"_We are going to start as soon as incisions start to heal. Initially I thought we would be able to remove the tumor meaning a less aggressive treatment plan, but with this new discovery I think we will have to really step it up go full force." _

"_What are we looking at for treatment? I know chemo and radiation are popular." Ellen spoke up leaning forward in her seat to take in more information. _

"_Yes Chemotherapy and Radiation are popular treatments," the blonde answered pulling out a couple of pamphlets to the family, "we are going to be using both to help cure the cancer. Are you all aware of the side effects these treatments have on the patient?" _

_They all nodded. Sam had dealt with this when his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer during his sophomore year of high school and Cas had done his research over the weekend. _

"_Well then you all have a one up on most families that come in here. Like I said we are going to make sure his wounds have started to heal before we start the treatment. We will have to place a catheter in his chest to help administer the medicine to him the procedure shouldn't take more than an hour and we will do that hopefully by the end of the week." _

"_When can we see him?" Sam asked wanting to see his boyfriend to make sure he was alright with his own two eyes. _

"_He is still asleep from the anesthesia and we don't expect him to wake until morning, but you can check on him before you leave if you would like." _

"_Thank you Doc." _

"_Not a problem," Ash answered standing up and walking towards the door, "follow me and I'll take you to see him." _

SPN SPN SPN

"_You have five minutes and then I want you to come back in the morning." Dr. Lindberg directed as they came to the small curtained off section in the recovery ward with nurses bustling around checking on patients. _

"_Thank you." _

_The family trailed silently into the hospital room and found Dean resting in his bed. His head was covered in white bandages making it look like a turban along with an IV, heart rate and oxygen monitors around him. To all of them it looked like he was just sleeping and now they could rest easy. _

"_Good night Dean." Sam whispered as he led all of them out of the room towards the hospital entrance. _

_Coming to their cars Sam gave farewells to the parents, "See you guys later." _

"_Yeah Sam we'll see you later." _

SPN SPN SPN

"_Morning," Sam smiled as Dean finally started to wake up around nine the next morning, "how are you feeling?" _

"_Like I got my head split open and someone played with my brain." _

"_Always one to charm the boots off anyone," Sam joked before seeing the wince cross Dean's face, "do you want me to call someone, get you more medicine?" _

"_I'll be fine Sammy," Dean answered taking the offered hand squeezing before asking a very important question, "What did the doctor say? Did they get the tumor out?" _

"_Umm," he stammered before getting up, "why don't I have one of the nurses page him and have him talk to you himself." _

"_Or you could tell me Sam. What aren't you telling me?" Dean asked eyes focused on the man in front of him eyes calculating and careful. _

"_I think-" _

"_You think you're going to tell me what the hell is going on right now or so help me God I'll march out there screaming bloody murder until someone tells me what the hell is going on." Dean sternly answered shifting the blankets back starting to push himself up in the bed not without a wince and Sam coming to the rescue. _

"_Damn it Dean," Sam said gently pushing Dean back into bed wrapping the blanket back around him, "I'll tell you but you need to rest up or otherwise your never gonna get out of here." _

"_Fine, but you had damn well better tell me what is going on." _

"_Well… I… Damn it." Sam cursed as he sat back down and he could feel steely green eyes tracking him. _

"_It's bad isn't it?" _

_Looking up he was shocked to see such a difference in his boyfriend's demeanor that he almost didn't say anything at all, "It didn't go as well as they hoped. They were able to remove parts of the tumor, but some parts were too far grown in and they couldn't remove them without risking damage to the other parts of your brain." _

"_What does that all mean?" _

"_It means that the treatment options are just going to be a little bit more aggressive then they originally planned. They are planning on starting your chemo and radiation by the end of the week and putting your catheter in within the next couple of days." _

"_What the hell is the catheter for?" _

"_It is to administer your chemo Mr. Colt." Both men turned around and were shocked to see Dr. Lindberg standing behind Sam, "I wish you would have waited to talk about the results until I got here Sam but I can't do anything now except ask do you have any questions?" _

_Dean considered it for a moment before he took a deep breath and released it, "When can I start?' _

SPN SPN SPN

_Now_

It was July now and Dean was fighting his way through rigorous Chemo and Radiation treatments.

"Dean how are you feeling this morning?" Sam yawned looking over at his boyfriend in the early morning light, "You need me to play inference again with everyone?"

"What day is it?" Dean mumbled running a skinny hand over his face careful of the chemo bag he had attached to him.

"Tuesday," he answered getting up to slip on a sweatshirt to protect him against the morning chill that had crept in the window over night. He looked back at Dean who was sitting up in bed looking small and childlike. He had lost weight these last couple of months from the medicine and if it weren't for the upper body covered with tattoos he would have thought the man a fraction of his age, "Cas was going to have some friends over today, but if you aren't feeling up to them I can take them to the lake or something."

"The lake would be fun we should all go." Dean replied getting up and slinging the chemo bag over his shoulder so he could make it to the bathroom.

"Are you sure you're up for that," Sam questioned following Dean into the bathroom, "its suppose to be record highs today and I know how you deal with the heat. Maybe it would be best if you stayed home and relaxed in the air conditioning today."

"I ain't dead yet Sam so quit treating me like I can't decide what I can or can't handle." The younger man snapped. After the failed tumor removal Dean had been like an injured animal being poked with a stick, you never knew what you would get when you talked to him. Some days he would be angry and mean others he would be submissive and clingy.

Sam could see this would be one of his bad days, "I'm just trying to help you Dean. Remember how you felt last week when we had the picnic and you were sick for days afterwards?"

"Yeah…"

"I don't like seeing you sick anymore then you like being sick, but I want what's best for you," Sam reprimanded as he came up behind Dean who was attempting to brush his teeth and gently wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, "why don't you stay home and relax. Me and Cas won't be gone all day and when we come back we can have a movie marathon or something."

Pretty green eyes downcast as he spit toothpaste into the porcelain sink before he nodded, "I guess you're right."

Kissing him on the cheek Sam answered, "Now why don't you get some more sleep you look exhausted."

SPN SPN SPN

Sam came back that night after dark with a pie from Ellen happy to have pawned Cas off on the pseudo grandparents for the evening so Dean and him could have some alone time. The past months had been hectic around the Winchester/Colt household nobody had gotten much alone time especially Dean. The younger man had taken medical leave from the station and was either running from appointment to appointment or at home trying to recover from his numerous medical procedures.

Coming into the kitchen he set the still warm apple pie down and walked into the living room where he found Dean asleep with the TV remote in hand and garbage can at his feet. Sam sighed when he looked in the can seeing that it indeed needed to be cleaned out even though it appeared to be nothing more than bile and water. Dean had been refusing to eat because of the nausea and lack of appetite he knew that it was common side effect of the treatments but it was hard to find things he still liked to eat.

Coming back from cleaning the trash bin he held up Dean's feet sat down before laying them down on his lap and massaging the sock clad feet. He waited through the local evening news, national and back to the local before waking his lover up, "Dean why don't we get you to bed."

"Yeah ok," he sleepily answered sitting up and holding a hand up to his mouth before lowering it again, "guess it's good that I didn't go with you guys after all."

"We can always go another time," Sam ushered them up stairs that no longer held the squeak he had worried about all those months ago, "you have your appointment with Dr. Lindberg in the morning so I left Cas with your parents."

"Ok."

Seeing as Dean was already half asleep in the fluffy comforter on the bed Sam turned off the over head light laying down himself not caring about the TV and lights still on downstairs or the unlocked front door, "Good night Dean."

SPN SPN SPN

It was September now and as far as anyone in the small farmhouse on the outskirts of Sioux Falls was concerned it was going to be lazy Saturday morning and they weren't going to do anything at all. They were going to do whatever they wanted whether it be Call of Duty tournaments or working outside in the garden or reading school books.

But like all good things they must come to an end.

"Sam!"

Jerking up in the bed Sam was awake and looking for Dean. It was Dean's off week for treatment so he had been feeling more lively and had surprised him by waking up early enough each morning to see Cas and Sam off to school each morning. The voice he heard yelling for him though didn't hint at the happiness that had engulfed the house for the past week.

Standing up he quickly pulled on a pair of pants before hollering, "Where are you Dean?"

"Bathroom"

Nearly sprinting across the small space in their room to bathroom he pushed the door open not caring what he would find on the other side, "What's the matter Dean?"

Dean looked up from where he was sitting on the closed toilet seat sending a terrified looking to his partner, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Kneeling down in front of Dean he replied running a hand over the bald head, "Nothing's wrong with you Dean."

"Something is wrong with me Sam."

"Then why don't you tell me before I wrestle you back into bed so we can catch some more sleep." Sam half joked as he saw the first early morning rays pass through the glass windows of the bathroom.

"I can't remember my name."

The room froze hell the earth stopped turning at that revelation. Sam fell right on his ass leaving Dean looking puzzled at him and he for once in his life was lost for words, "What?"

"I can't fucking remember my last name. What's happening to me Sammy?"

Running a hand through his own brown hair Sam shook his head before replying, "First let's get you dressed and then we'll get into see Dr. Lindberg and see what he says."

Dean nodded before getting up and heading to his dresser to get himself dressed. It was quiet as the two of them quickly got ready heading out the door leaving a note for Castiel to call them when he woke up.

They were half way to the hospital before Dean looked up from the passenger seat in the Impala and asked, "So what is my name?"

"Colt. Your name is Dean Michael Colt."

He saw Dean nod out of the corner of his eye before looking back out the window. It was killing Sam to see Dean like this to forget parts of himself like this.

SPN SPN SPN

Five hours, three tests and the worried couple were finally getting the results they needed to hear.

"You're making me tired just watching you Dean," Sam said as he watched Dean pace back and forth in the room nervously, "come sit down with me."

"I'm fine Sam."

"I didn't ask if you were fine or not. Now come sit down with me and wait until Dr. Lindberg gets here." Sam reiterated patting the open seat next to him seeing the hurt expression cross Dean's face he softly added, "Whatever the news is we are going to get through this together alright."

"I know Sam, but you don't know what it's like to forget something like that," the sick man answered coming to sit down next to him, "it's not like forgetting your first pets name or your preschool teachers name. It's completely different because you have gone your whole life remembering this, knowing this and then to wake up and forget it? It's fucking scary."

He himself had never really thought about it like that it was true you go your whole life with that simple word telling you who you are, people yelling it at you, writing it on the top of your papers, having that simple arrangement of letters tell you who you are. To lose that to have the brief moment of freedom without anything to tie you to anyone it must be like freefalling. Peaceful at first but terrifying as you come crashing down.

Wrapping an arm around Dean he whispered into his ear, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Looking up when they heard the knock on the door the couple watched Dr. Lindberg walk into the room with a folder and few more frown lines then the last time they saw him, "Dr. Lindberg what's the news?"

"I'm afraid I don't have any good news this time," Ash answered as he grabbed the office chair and scooted closer to the table to lay out the pictures they had taken, "we ran a couple of scans and what we found wasn't good. We thought that the radiation and chemo would be taking care of the tumor and reducing it in size."

"I'm guessing it hasn't?" Dean questioned moving forward in his seat to look the doctor in the eyes.

"The tumor has grown and is pressing on the part of the brain that controls memory. At this point surgery is too big a risk to perform. I'm sorry."

"So what is the plan of action?" Sam asked in denial not ready to hear what he was sure would come spilling out of the doctor's mouth next.

"I'm sorry, but there really is nothing more we can do. Chemo and radiation are proving to be useless all I can do is hope to make you comfortable." Ash answered looking at Dean who had sunken back into the seat with a look of disbelief.

"How long Doc? How long do I have to live?"

"Six months at the most."

For the second time that day the world froze, leaving two rather insignificant people to suffer the worst moment of their life with the sickening antiseptic smell of the hospital, clinical blankness and the town drunk who also happened to be their doctor to comfort them through it.

Sam couldn't hold back the tears that fell down his cheeks as he looked over at his young boyfriend, the man he wanted to be his husband, his fucking soul mate. He couldn't believe the news that they were getting. Dean had been doing so well the last couple of weeks with his treatment, he came in and didn't complain every time he couldn't hold down his meal or couldn't manage to get up from the bed for days on end or when he couldn't grow back his hair. Dean was a warrior more so then anyone he knew and this was how he got repaid with a death sentence.

Dean froze in shock. He was going to die. As simple as that no more lazy Sunday mornings or busy Tuesday evenings, no more days spent working on baby in the barn he converted to his own garage. No more nights with Sam and video game tournaments with Castiel, his son in all but blood. He was going to be lucky to make it to his birthday when he would be turning a measly 25 years old. He still has so much he wants to do with his life, he wanted to see the world (or what he could from his Baby), adopt Cas as his own, get fucking married. He didn't want to die alone with nothing left to remember him by because he sure as hell hadn't done anything noteworthy in his years here on earth.

Watching his patient across from him Ash could see the stages of grief cross each of their faces as if they were going by in a flash, neither man staying on a stage long enough for it to completely register. He had been on this side of the table enough to have gained a sense of professional distance when delivering this kind of news to families but now something was different. These men were like friends to him, they always came in with a smile and joke to share during long boring hours of appointments and treatments. This though it changed things, the second he saw them walk in the door this morning he knew things were going to change and not for the better.

"Sam, Dean," he broke the silence before gathering his files, "I'm sorry. Stay here as long as you need. Call me if you have any questions."

He got a nod from Sam but Dean was still stuck in his chair with hands frozen in his lap.

SPN SPN SPN

It was quiet around the house that evening, no one quite believing the news that was delivered. Dean had marched out to the garage and from the house they could hear the crashing of glass and breaking of metal and Sam could only imagine how he would find Dean when he went out to pick the broken man up. Sam had locked himself in the study where he quickly looked up everything he could about terminal brain cancer and what he could to make it easier for both of them. And little Castiel was left to roam the house in a haze as he tried to figure what he was going to do when Dean was going to die in a matter of months and then it would be right back to him and his Dad, the two man team that had nearly broken before they found Dean all those years ago.

Bobby and Ellen had offered to spend the night to help them, but neither of the boys could manage to get them to stay after they had seen the reaction of the news cross their faces. See the shock of devastation and sadness cross their face. Sam could only imagine what it would be like for them to bury their child, only after years of searching and looking for a child to complete their family make it whole and now they were going to lose him.

SPN SPN SPN

It was Thanksgiving and Dean was deteriorating at a rapid pace now. Bones were sticking out at sharp angles, his once brilliant shining green eyes were sunken in his pale face, he needed help walking and doing mundane things like going to the bathroom, showering and changing his clothes. He wasn't gone yet, but he was on the downward swing and every morning Sam woke up he wondered if this would be the one where he would have to call the hospital and let them know the bad news, where he would be alone again in this big world.

Opening his eyes Sam shook the thoughts away opening his eyes to turn towards Dean who he could hear lightly snoring next to him. He watched as the snowflakes and the light from their bedroom window reflected on Dean's peaceful sleeping face and couldn't stop the smile that crossed it. Thanksgiving had always been Dean's favorite holiday simply because of the array of pies he would always be able to sample.

He remembered last year when Dean had gorged himself on the pie and had been in such misery for the rest of the day he wouldn't leave the couch.

Sighing he realized those days were long behind him now he could only make do with the time they had left. He had taken sabbatical from the school and they had gladly given him the year off after they heard the news and he was now full time caregiver to Dean. He missed his students, his friends on the staff and most of all the satisfaction he got every time one of his students learned something new. He missed his life before this horrible disease weaseled its way into their perfect life. He missed how he and Dean would argue about simple things and later would reconcile with a night in bed with only the sounds of the South Dakota prairie to soundtrack it.

Sitting up he saw it was already nine and they had promised to be at Ellen's by eleven and if they were going to get there on time he had better start waking everyone up.

Grabbing his worn bathrobe Dean had gotten him their first Christmas together he pulled it tight before bending over and whispering in to the sleeping man's ear, "Time to wake up love it's Thanksgiving."

"Ok S'mmy."

Smiling he bent down to press a kiss to the pale forehead before slipping out of the room towards Cas's room.

Pushing the door open quietly he found his son sprawled across the bed in his usual fashion with the TV still going and laptop open to a Word file. It always shocked Sam to see how much his son was like him especially with his study habits. Castiel was like a mini me when it came to school with his overachieving spirit and determination he was popular and smart.

Moving to sit down on the edge of the bed Sam rubbed him between the shoulder blades, "Time to wake up. We have to be at Ellen's in a couple of hours and I want you to be ready by 10:30."

Rolling over Cas blinked open his eyes against the offending light coming from the large window facing the open field behind their house, "Happy Thanksgiving Dad."

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too," he stood up and was about to walk downstairs to start the coffee, "It would be nice if you could shovel off the steps to the car once you are ready."

"Of course"

Sitting at the kitchen table he could hear the shower start upstairs in Cas's bathroom and soft footsteps puttering around the second floor where he was no doubt checking on Dean like he did every morning.

Taking a last sip of his coffee he quickly stood up and laid down the medicine for Dean on the table with his own cup of coffee before starting upstairs to get Dean ready for the holiday meal.

Coming into the bedroom he was surprised to see Dean already perched up against the headboard with the remote to the TV in hand, "Glad to see your up. What are we watching this morning?"

"The parade Cas helped me get it turned on." Dean muttered as they watched big balloons cross the screen and the background appraising of the announcers.

"Well how about we get you ready for lunch with your parents?" Sam questioned standing up and walking towards the dresser to get the clothes laid out, "we got a new snow fall last night and it looks beautiful out."

Stepping into the closet Sam quickly pulled on one of his nice sweaters over a white undershirt along with one of his pair of jeans, "Do you know what you want to wear today Dean?"

"Something warm."

He was use to the small sentences now, they had become more prevalent over the coming months and he had read that as the disease grew he would begin using them more and more, "Ok. Now how about I get you into the bathroom and you start cleaning yourself up?"

Sam helped Dean into the bathroom and helped him sit on the closed toilet lid and made sure he was able to start brushing his teeth and start his morning cleaning, "I'll go grab your clothes."

The morning passed with rehearsed movements. Sam helped Dean dress and get ready, Cas took care of himself and got the stairs shoveled off and Sam led Dean towards the Prius; easy as breathing for the small family after the decline in Dean's health the last couple of months.

They were driving down the main road towards the Singer household when Dean spoke up, "It looks pretty outside."

"Yeah Dean it does doesn't it?" Sam answered watching the yards that had a slight layer of snow covering them and he could see happy families through front windows.

"I can't wait for the stuffing that Grandpa Ellen makes it's so good!" Cas raved from the backseat joining in the conversation.

"That is always my favorite part too," Sam added as he turned the corner towards the small house on the edge of town, "how about you Dean. What's your favorite part of Thanksgiving?"

Of course they all knew the answer, "Pie."

"Yeah pie is always a good choice. Although I have to say I'm more of a cake fan myself." Castiel answered trying to sound smart and fit into the talk.

"Blfa…blapha…" Dean tried to stutter out but ended it with, "Bad."

It broke Sam's heart to see Dean suffer like this and while big words never had been Dean's thing it almost sounded like the old him, "Come on we're here."

Getting out of the car Cas ran towards the house and pushed out the front door leaving the two adults out in the cold November winter, "Ready to go?"

Walking around the car he helped Dean step out of the small car and readjusted the hat that was slipping over the short blonde hair that was beginning to grow back. Together the pair made it up the front steps just as they stepped into the house Ellen was waiting with open arms, "Happy Thanksgiving boys."

"Happy Thanksgiving Ellen." Sam smiled hanging up his jacket and gently pulled Dean's own puffy winter jacket from him to hang over the railing of the stairs.

"Thanksgiving Mom." Dean answered with a crooked smile as he was led towards the couch where Bobby was already watching the game with a beer in hand.

"Well isn't someone in a good mood this morning." She babied with a quick hug before settling him into the sofa and started back towards the kitchen, "Cas is helping me in the kitchen so go get washed up boys."

Turning over her shoulder she saw Sam and Bobby fascinated with the game going on and Dean watching the two men with a smile on his face, "Now boys!"

Fifteen minutes later found the small family sitting around the table with the additions of Jo and her boyfriend Gabriel and Sheriff Mills. It was a peaceful meal although calmer and sadly quieter then Thanksgivings passed. There was banter over who was going to the Super Bowl that year, whether or not old Ms. Figgs down the street was having an affair with Mr. Perkins the most eligible bachelor in town or even what the secret ingredient was in the stuffing.

Through it all there was one voice that was noticeably missing. Dean was sitting snuggled tightly between Sam and Ellen who took turns placing food on the plate that would only get pushed around and never eaten. It was quiet without his noisy protests that maybe Ms. Figgs was banging Michael the Police chief or that he swore on his life the secret ingredient was a little bourbon in the stuffing (he promised he saw Ellen shake a little in when he was eight). Now it was a small smile when asked a question and a gentle laugh every now and then.

They could all see he was slipping away and they were helpless to stop whatever was to come. So they did what they did best and celebrated and lived as if it was their last day on earth.

The day passed with lots of turkey, football cheering, more turkey and of course pie. Everybody had a slice of the pumpkin and apple pie regardless of how full they were. Before Sam would have liked they were on their way home and about to sleep off food comas. It had been a perfect day and he was always going to remember it.

Settling into bed that night Sam was about to switch off the lamp on his bedside table when he heard Dean muse aloud, "I had fun today Sammy."

Smiling he answered, "Me too, me to Dean."

SPN SPN SPN

Months had passed since Thanksgiving it was July again and Dean was living on borrowed time. Dr. Lindberg hadn't expected him to live past March and here he was.

Although the man had exceeded expectations he was completely dependent on Sam to take care of him. He could no longer dress, wash or care for himself in any matter. He no longer spoke and would only point with shaking fingers towards what he wanted. At this point he was nothing more than a shell of what he use to be, the cancer had eaten away at his brain leaving his memories hazy and speech stuttering at best, he was nothing more than skin and bones.

Hustling about the bedroom he was getting them ready for Gabe's Fourth of July party that night. Gabe had invited them all up to his cabin on the Lake on the outskirts of town. It was a real scorcher outside and Sam of course was worried about bringing Dean out to watch the fireworks show that night, but he knew it would be nice for him to get out of the house where he had been more or less a prisoner since his sentence nearly a year ago.

"So what are we going to wear tonight?" Sam asked aloud as he started to grab some shorts and a shirt for Dean to wear. While he was going through the clothes he almost expected to hear a wise ass comment from the younger man like 'We? I didn't realize we were going to be _that_ couple.' Turning around he found Dean sitting in the wheel chair at the end of the bed where he had been placed after they took care of the bathroom routine.

"I was thinking shorts and one of your band tees how does that sound?" He asked bringing the clothes closer, "but then again you never liked wearing shorts. Jeans instead?"

Dean gave him a look that almost said 'you even have to ask', "I guess jeans it is then. I'll pack your shorts in case you get to hot."

"I know you're already hot enough." Sam answered for himself. It was like this most days with Sam holding conversations like he was talking to Dean.

Slowly Sam managed to get Dean into the pants that had once hugged his every curve, but now hung loose like a kid playing dress up along with his favorite Zeppelin shirt that Castiel had gotten him for his first birthday together.

"Hey Dad Robbie's here," Castiel interrupted swinging his head inside the door and walking in, "I'll see you guys later."

It was hard to believe that Castiel was nearly 14 already this coming fall the boy was going to be starting high school, "Ok. I'll have my phone if you need anything."

Coming over he gave his Dad a hug, "I got it Dad I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I know." Sam whispered into the long raven locks and sighed as he moved away.

"See you later Dean," Cas said with a smile leaning over to give him a hug, "you keep Dad in line alright."

Dean smiled wrapping two shaking arms around the young teen. The silent answer rang out through the room, "You bet your ass I'll keep an eye on the moose. Man gets squirrely when he starts drinking those fruity little drinks with those stupid little umbrellas."

The honking from the driveway below brought them out of their musings, "See you later guys."

The door slamming below got Sam back into motion, "Well were going to be late if we don't start moving our asses."

Grabbing the sweatshirts, bug spray and extra pair of shorts Sam pushed them towards the landing at the top of the stairs, "I'm going to run this stuff down and then I'll be back up for you."

Quickly making good on his promise Sam settled all the supplies on the kitchen table before making his way back up the stairs, "Alright let's get this show on the road."

Locking the chair in place Sam bent over and settled one arm around the thin legs and the other against the protruding backbone. Slowly he made his way down the stairs before settling the man on the porch swing outside, "See I told you it was hot out. I'm going to get all our stuff and I'll be out in a flash."

Soon enough Sam was lugging out a small cooler and duffel bag of supplies to the porch locking the door behind him, "Ready to go?"

Dean nodded.

"Alright I'm going to get the car and pull it around."

Stepping on to the gravel of the driveway he walked towards the car port and pulled the Prius around the front. Getting out he started to gather Dean in his arms again for transport when he was met with resistance, "I thought you wanted to go to the party? If you don't I can call Gabe and let him know you don't want too."

He was met with a shake of the head, "Ok you want to go, but you don't want to get in the car. I'm not sure how else you think we're getting there."

"Impala"

Six simple letters had Sam's eyes watering and heart fluttering like a proud mama, "Ok we can do that. I'll go bring her around."

Running from the front steps he went into the barn where no one had gone since October when Dean had gone into cover his girl up. Stepping into the workshop he found the covered body of the classic car and slowly removed the rough brown cloth and slipped into the driver's seat starting her up.

Driving her out of the barn he couldn't help but relax into her seat as she crunched against the gravel of the driveway and the sounds of Metallica played from the stereos. It was like a breath of fresh air.

Leaving the car idling he got up and loaded the trunk up with their supplies before getting up and grabbing Dean to sit in the passenger's seat, "Happy now?"

Settling into the driver's seat he could see the smug smile crossing Dean's pale face and he couldn't help but wonder how much better this day could get.

Fifteen minutes later they were pulling into Gabe's driveway. It was nearing dusk already and he could hear the voices from the party, "Looks like we're fashionably late."

Getting out of the car he was greeted with Gabe right away who was looking perky in his khaki shorts and hideous Hawaiian shirt, "Good to see you man. How have things been?"

"Good, good. It's great to be here sorry we're late." He answered walking around to grab the wheel chair from the back of the car.

"No problem. Lots of food left and you still have time before the show starts across the lake."

"Good to hear," he replied opening the passenger seat and settling Dean into it before looking up and seeing Gabe watching them sadly, "hey can you grab the chairs from the trunk."

"Sure man," he replied catching the keys and opening the trunk.

Gabe waited until the couple had left before looking up and watching them wheel around the back of the house. It killed him every time he saw Dean. He remembered when the kid had been full of life; hell he remembers teaching the brat. 25 wasn't old enough to be confined to a wheel chair and more less a prisoner in your own body, when your 25 you are suppose to be out living the high life, getting drunk, driving too fast in your car, and loving someone like there is no tomorrow.

The dedication he saw with Sam taking care of Dean was heartbreaking and made him regain a little hope in humanity. It made him think that maybe things weren't always as bad as they seemed. Made him glad he broke down and bought that special little diamond ring burning a hole in his pocket.

If anything those two were the visualization of love. They were fucking soul mates and his heart bleed for them.

"You bringing the chairs?"

"Calm your tits Winchester!" He yelled back lifting the trunk up to hide the tears he could feel pooling in the corner of his eyes. Wiping the traitorous liquid away he grabbed the cloth chairs and slammed the trunk shut heading back to the party, "Here you go. It's nice seeing the car again by the way."

"Dean's getting picky about his appearance." Sam joked as he brought the chairs over to the picnic table he had settled Dean at with a plate of food "thanks for grabbing these by the way."

"No problem," he answered with a wave of his hand, "good to see your getting your good taste in appearance back man I was getting worried about you." Gabe said taking a seat on the other of side of Dean.

"Missed seeing that beauty around it's a shame you were riding in that little Prius of Sam's."

"Hey Dean" Jo called coming up with a glass of something and kissed Dean on the cheek, "how are you today?"

A shrug of the shoulders was his reply.

"I'm glad you two could make it," she answered before dragging Gabe up, "I need to steal this man I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all" Sam replied forking up some potato salad for Dean to eat.

Sam managed to feed both himself and Dean just as the dusk approached, "looks like it's time for the show."

Packing themselves up Sam pushed them towards the clearing and set them up with a perfect spot to watch the fireworks over the water.

The show was magnificent with brilliant lights all around them, blues and greens, yellows and oranges, loud bangs and sizzling filled the warm July night.

All too soon the show ended not without cheers from all around the lake and cars honking all around. People were milling around him and he just enjoyed the view of the lake, "Isn't it beautiful? You know my dad took me fishing once on a night like this. It was probably one of the best memories I have of him before he left."

He didn't get an answer but then again he wasn't expecting one. Squeezing the small hand intertwined with his realized it was colder than normal, "Dean if you're cold why didn't you tell me?"

Looking over he found Dean slumped in his chair, his face looking at him with his perfectly shaped eyes closed, "Dean?"

Raising his shaky free hand he brought it up feel for a pulse and praying the time hadn't come. Feeling around the throat he let out a small gasp when he couldn't find a pulse, "Dean. Don't do this to me."

He was crying now. He didn't care who found them or if anyone did at all. His Dean was gone. His lover. Soul mate. His fucking everything was gone. Disappeared. Never to be seen again. He was alone.

SPN SPN SPN

A week had passed and it time for the funeral. He looked fucking ridiculous in his stupid suit, but he couldn't get himself to wear anything else.

The past week had been the hardest he ever had to go through. Harder than his Mom's death, his Dad's disappearance, harder then finding Amelia banging his buddy in their bed, harder then Dean's initial surgery.

The first night he drunk himself into oblivion, second night the same, third night Castiel had gotten so scared he called Jody who called Dr. Lindberg who prescribed tranquilizers to help with the pain of the loss.

The days all bled together. The house was never empty; they always had people trailing in with stupid fucking casseroles that were just going to get thrown away because seriously how many tuna casseroles did they think two people could eat? Nobody would let Sam be by himself not after the third night when he waved a gun around and was drunk half way to Sunday.

Now he was shaking hands with people he didn't know, probably would never know. It was an endless line of faces, uniforms and meaningless condolences. They didn't know Dean, not like he did.

"Sam come on let's get a seat."

He could recognize the voice but his brain wasn't working right now so he just followed as a strong arm led him to the front of the church where everyone else was seated.

He could hear crying around him. He wanted to get up and shout and ask why they were crying when he was the one who knew him best, loved him most was holding his hand when he was dying correction when he died.

If you asked him later what was said during the service he couldn't tell you because all he could think about was the kid laying in the coffin about to get buried six feet under because his body hated him. He couldn't take his eyes off the blown up picture of Dean smiling in his Police Uniform sitting besides the casket.

He watched as the Pastor ambled towards the front and started to say a line of meaningless words about God and some shit about everything happening for a reason. The man was wrong. No God would take a kid and make him suffer like his Dean did, let an active man shrivel away to nothing and eventually have to rely on everyone as his body rebelled. Whatever kind of being did this was not a caring and loving one like the fraud in front of him was telling everyone.

"You're lying!" He yelled standing up with tears streaming down his face, "God doesn't love us. He wouldn't let this happen if he did."

He couldn't get the next words out as his sobs racked his body and he fell to his knees in front of the casket in front of him running a hand over the smooth wood. He knew if he looked in there he would see Dean as if he was asleep, dressed in his police uniform.

"Sam sweetie come with me."

He heard Jody whisper into his ear and he was limp in her arms as she carried him from the room as snuffles and sobs echoed through the church.

SPN SPN SPN

It was a month later when Sam was shuffling through Dean's bedside table looking for his Ipod when he found a white envelope addressed to him.

Sitting on the edge of the bed he pulled open the letter and started to read.

_Sam- _

_I'm guessing I bit the dust if you're reading this. I'm sorry by the way. I know you're probably thinking for what Dean. I'm sorry for everything I put you and Cas through. I know it isn't pretty what I've got. I did my research. This sucks and I'm sorry you had to see me go through that. I love you guys so much, more then you will ever know. It means the world that you two picked me to spend your life with and I'm sorry I cut short what could have been an awesome life for us. _

_Truth is I'm not ready to die; I'm fucking scared of dying. You always asked about what I was scared of and I was always gave you pansy ass answers like planes, rats, I think I even remember one time I said cats. The real answer I'm fucking scared of dying. I know I haven't been the most upstanding person in my time here on earth and I'm scared that's gonna show when I meet the big man upstairs. I'm pretty sure I've earned myself a one way ticket to the little red man with the pitch fork. _

_I hope I don't see you down there with me Sammy. If I do I'll kill you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me in this life, probably any other lives I've lived. You put up with me when I couldn't even do that. Thank you for everything. _

_I know I've already said this a hundred times and I'm gonna say it one more time because its truest thing I've ever said in my entire life: I. Love. You. Sam Winchester. More than my heart needs to beat. More than my lungs need Oxygen. I love you. _

_I'm sorry for the complete sappiness of this letter, but what the hell I'm never gonna see it again. _

_I guess this is good bye. I'm sorry it has to be like this. _

_See you in another life, _

_Dean Colt _

_P.S Take could care of Baby. _

Sam was crying by the end of the letter. He couldn't help the tears streaming down his face and the gut wrenching sobs escaping his mouth. This made everything real. Dean wasn't playing a joke on him, wasn't going to pop out of the garage and surprise him.

Dean was dead.

Looking at the piece of plain white stationary he found it was littered with dried tear drops blurring the ink in some places just as his were doing now.

Moving his eyes to the corner of the paper he found the date September 22, 2012. The day he found out he was dying.

Throwing the paper aside he ran for the door and launched himself down the steps. He could hear Bobby behind him (they still didn't trust him by himself) but he kept running right towards the barn where he found the Impala still uncovered.

Yanking the door to the passenger seat he curled up and cried. Hell he cried so hard he thought his brains were going drip out his ears. He could still smell Dean in the seats it was as if he had just left for a minute, that he was going to be right back.

He felt Bobby standing next to him as he cried and the comforting hand as it ran circles on his back.

That night as he was lying in bed in the haze of pills and some shit Bobby turned on before leaving he felt that maybe he should test his theory and see if he could find Dean in heaven or hell. See where it was they would be because he knew that they wouldn't be separated in death.

"Dad," he felt a pair of arms circle around him and slide under the covers next to him, "Dad I can't lose you too. I love you so much and I already lost Dean. If I lost you too I don't know what I would do. You gotta promise me you won't leave me too."

Looking over his saw his son really saw him, for the first time in a month. Bloodshot blue eyes were the only thing he could see and he could hear the sobbing breaking from the chest.

"Cas," he whispered pulling the shaking the body closer, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you."

He knew Dean would never forgive him if he did something stupid. He knew at that moment he was going to live this life for Dean because he couldn't live his anymore.

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